To be honest, I have absolutely no idea what to write for my first blog post. I have plenty of things I plan to write about in the future, but nothing sticks out as significant enough to be first. My first post can't just be about some random topic; it needs to be something important, something deserving of the first post. I run into this problem often: I always assign extra meaning to the first of something: the first word in a book, the first line of a script, the first picture in an album, the first post on a new social media account, the first text message to a new friend. I'm not really sure whether this is appropriate or whether it is merely a symptom of my perfectionism, but it's probably a little bit of both. The importance of a first impression has been drilled into my head for most of my life. An employer decides whether they want to hire you in the first 15 seconds of an interview. A casting director knows whether you're right for a role by the time you finish reading the first line. A reader will choose whether to keep reading your essay, story, or screenplay before they finish the first page. Your reputation in high school (or college, or really any new setting) is determined by where you sit, what you say, and how you act on the first day. While I believe that first impressions are extremely important, even subconsciously (ever read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink?), I also think the value given to them might be a little overblown and probably dangerous.
When I began auditioning for film and television projects, I was told early and often that casting directors would only watch the first few seconds of an audition tape before moving on if they weren't immediately impressed. This seemed absurd to me; why would they send pages and pages of sides (for the non-actors out there, these are just pages of a script that are used for an audition) if they were only going to watch twenty seconds of each five-minute audition?
Now, having cast a few projects of my own, I can understand why this happens. When you have dozens or even hundreds of tapes to watch, you don't have time to waste on someone that isn't right for the part. The hard truth is that it's difficult to recover from a bad start, even if the actor improves AND the casting director does take the time to watch further. This makes sense, but it is also very disheartening as an actor, knowing that some bigger auditions require you to spend $100 on coaching and eight hours on rehearsing, filming, and editing just to have someone turn it off less than a minute in.
I am one of those actors with consistently poor first lines; I think I stress so much about making them good that they inevitably turn out bad. This goes for pretty much anything, not just acting. I also generally give poor first impressions, especially when I really want someone to like or respect me, which is pretty much always, as I am a huge people-pleaser and can't stand being disliked.
I am certainly guilty of making snap judgements myself, but I think it's sad that it's so hard to see past first impressions. There are people in my life I didn't have a great first impression of who I now love and admire, and I'm sure nearly everyone can say the same. But, I'm sure there are plenty of people I could have had a relationship with had I gotten to know them beyond a first impression.
Whenever I complain that somebody doesn't like me, my parents always respond with, "they don't dislike you, they just don't know you." I used to find that comment very annoying, but now I can understand it. I think (hopefully) that I am a good friend and a fun person once people get to know me, but I've always had a hard time making friends, and I certainly attribute that to the fact that I come across as awkward, shy, or closed-off when I first meet people. This is never my intention; I just worry so much about making a good impression that I do the opposite.
If you've made it this far, you're probably thinking, "Ashley, just stop worrying about it and then you will make a good first impression!" If only it were that simple. Then I just worry about how I need to not worry about it, and I stress about seeming nervous or awkward, but then I do seem nervous because I'm nervous about not being nervous. You can see how the cycle continues.
Anyway, all of this is to say that I stressed a lot about what sort of first impression I wanted to make on this blog (I'm sure you're shocked to hear that). I've decided I'm just going to write about it being my first blog post because that's the only thing that seems significant enough to be the first post. So, let me just say in advance, if I sound stressed, it's probably because I am. But don't worry, if you continue reading and get to know me better, you'll realize that I'm only nervous and awkward about 50% of the time.
I'm still not exactly sure what kind of impression I'm trying to make. To be honest, I think the idea of a personal blog feels strange and a bit narcissistic. I have always been a fairly private person, and I'm not sure I really want to share my most personal thoughts and experiences. It's easy for me to write them now because my sister and I often do projects like this that nobody besides our parents ever sees (hi, Mom and Dad!), so I'm not overly concerned about anyone else reading it.
Also, I'm not really sure why anyone would want to read my blog or listen to my podcast. I can understand wanting to read that of a celebrity or someone you admire, or even someone like my sister who has interesting and inspirational experiences to share. But I'm just an average person writing a blog and recording a podcast to keep myself busy during a leave of absence from college. It feels kind of presumptuous to assume people want to hear my random stories and musings.
However, I've come to the conclusion in the past few years that there really are no "average" people. Everyone has a story, and people are so much more than the first impressions we have of them. I have this insatiable curiosity about people; I always want to know how other people live, how they think, what they're doing. I want to know about people so that we can all share in each other's humanity, and I believe this is the only way to foster empathy and compassion. That's where the idea for Twinspiration came from; I wanted to share positive, uplifting stories of people doing good in the world to promote unity and kindness instead of division and hatred.
Reading and hearing stories from 'average' people has been one of my saving graces this year. Learning from other people with similar experiences helped me through many personal and medical struggles. and the connections I made with other people empowered me to keep going. So, that's my goal for this blog. I'm not writing anything revolutionary or earth-shattering, but I hope that it can be a source of connection, positivity, unsolicited advice, or just entertainment for anyone who takes the time to read it.
Since I've been told so many times that I need to let people get to know me, this is going to be my best effort to do exactly that. I want to move beyond the first impression and show that everyone is layered and dynamic, and I want to highlight stories of other people whose stories need and deserve to be told.
Anyway, if you've miraculously made it this far, I challenge you to give someone or something a second chance this week; first impressions don't have to be everything. Let me know in the comments below if you try this and how it goes! Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll continue joining Aspen and me on this adventure!
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